At the beginning of the summer we were asked what we wanted to get out of the Kairos internship. Coming into the internship, I did not know what to expect. It wasn’t until the first week that I really had a prayer that I wanted the Lord to answer. The prayer was from 1 Timothy 1: 5, “The purpose of my instruction is that all believers be filled with love that comes from a pure heart, a clear conscience, and a genuine faith”.

Prior to the internship I didn’t feel like I had a solid understanding of The Gospel. I knew what I had been taught throughout my school years. That God sent His one and only son, Jesus, to die for my sins. I knew that if I believed this then I would go to heaven. Something was missing in my understanding, I didn’t truly understand why Jesus had to come and save me from my sins. I had never realized just how sinful I was, and still am. I didn’t understand the depths of my sin. Sure, in the back of my head I knew that I wasn’t perfect, but I still didn’t see why my sin was so bad that Jesus had to be beaten, mocked, and crucified to cover my sin. Am I really that bad of a person?

The answer to that question came when Chris Curtis taught two classes on The Gospel. At the start of the first class, Chris defined sin as an “offense against an infinite God.” My sin is infinite and therefore needs an infinite God to take care of it. I am powerless to take care of it. Chris went on to explain that we are more sinful than we could ever imagine. What I previously understood about my sin went out the window there. I am so sinful that I cannot even wrap my mind around it.

While I am more sinful than I could ever imagine, God is more Holy than I could ever dream or hope to be possible. Well, this created a gap. Here I am, clothed in sin. There He is, clothed in perfection. How do I take care of that gap? How do I earn my spot in heaven? What can I do to fix everything I have done?

Here’s what I have tried to do. I have tried to fill that gap with self-righteousness. While not always being aware of it, I have walked around with the mindset that I can become right in the eyes of the Lord through my actions. If I am kind to others, love others, and do the right things, maybe then my sins will be covered. Maybe then I will be worthy enough to go to heaven.

I had the wrong idea. Chris went on to say that “anything you look to, to give you a sense of being good enough, is your functional savior. Finding righteousness in what you do instead of confronting sin disconnects you from the Gospel.” So where does that leave me?

It leaves me with Romans 1: 17. It says “This Good News tells us how God makes us right in his sight. This is accomplished from start to finish by faith. As the Scriptures say “It is through faith that a righteous person has life.” It is only through faith that Jesus Christ is the Savior. It is believing  that He has paid my penalty and that God sees me as righteous because of it. Not through my good deeds. I did not earn a spot in heaven. Every day I fall short. I will never be righteous enough, good enough, or sufficient enough to be worthy of my spot in heaven. But praise be to the loving Father that fills this gap with the Cross. Because of the Cross, I no longer have to carry the burden of my own sin. I no longer have to try to present myself as deserving and worthy of the Glory that belongs to God. I am able to live in the freedom that comes with believing that my righteousness does not come through my performance, but through Christ’s performance on the Cross. Hallelujah, thank you, Lord, that the burden is no longer mine.

I’m thankful for the way the Lord works. I’m thankful that He answered my prayer. I have loved the opportunity to work with Grace Church Kids and the staff! It has been a life changing summer here at Grace Church.